we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
