1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
there is puke in my bra ... again
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
