eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
