its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Drake has all the answers
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
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