The beer is more important than you right now.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I am available for nakedness
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
