i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize
