she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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