ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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