In the future we'll all be gay
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
