why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
