i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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