her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
