You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
