Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize