I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
