running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
