Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
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