Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
