I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
