Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
