p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
