Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
