I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
