end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
