there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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