i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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