what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I got inside last night via doggy door
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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