I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
