Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Randomize
