I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
