Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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