Pappa wants mamma naked
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
