Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
