I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
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