i'm signing you up for texting rehab
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
