John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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