We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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