When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
