my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
