i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
