His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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