I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
