If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
