my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
It's never too late to be topless.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Randomize
