I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
