wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Sext me about skeletons
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
