You're so nebulous sometimes
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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