NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize