Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Randomize
