i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
