fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
