Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
