So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
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