i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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