I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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