It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
