How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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