I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
