my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
honey bunches of taint.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
