conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
