Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
