I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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