On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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