Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
