names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
