i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
