But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
