i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
