if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Randomize
