Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
