But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
