It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
You took a bar mat shot.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
