Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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