If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
