Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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