Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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