they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
