he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
