shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
