I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
