my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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