i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
