please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize