Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
