So drunk its hurt
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
