Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
